I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
