he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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