Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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