i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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