1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
