I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
