I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
