Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
