I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
