dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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