Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
