I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Found your dick twin last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
