i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
