Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
