Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
