Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
