So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
