When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
