he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
