Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
