How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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