And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
