Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
