Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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