I just pynch a tree in the face
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
