ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
