guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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