Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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