Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
