are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
