I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
