There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
