**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
