oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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