Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
