I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
