you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
