oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
