I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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