mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
