I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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