it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
