Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
