if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
last night I used snow as a chaser
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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