and she was petting her beer can
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
