but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
