i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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