I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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