Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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