I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
