Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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